ThaHodgehound Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 How the Fight Started.............. One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ________________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjamin1990 Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 lmao that is awesome!! i read all of them. they are great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JagSol Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 OMG, this made me laugh and smile...then cough a few times...but still, it's good! Thanks, Hodge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitsune Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 really made me laugh. Time to dig out some jokes....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snubber Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Thanks Hodge..really needed a good laugh. I wonder if I can try a few of those on the wife? I let you know how it went after I heal....lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaHodgehound Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 ROFL!!! @ snubb Yeah LETS MAKE THIS A JOKE THREAD!! (no joker give away tho!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffb Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 I read these jokes to my wife That's when the fight started Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaHodgehound Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 ROFLMAO Jeff!!!!!! nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 My wife said she was "cutting me off" I told her she couldn't "cut me off" cause she didn't know where I was getting "it" from... that's when the fight started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaHodgehound Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 OHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! thats BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaHodgehound Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 A blonde was walking on the side of the river. She came upon another Blonde on the other side. She hollers, "Hey, how do you get to the other side?" The second Blonde says, "YOU ARE on the other side!!!!!!!!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 ...so I was hangin' out in front of the computer on tiny chat when my wife started talking to me. I said "Shut up, Mark is giving away a mod" and that's when the fight started Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaHodgehound Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 I tried to pull the" phone a friend " one on my wife but she messed it up and said "I could be persuaded!!! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roober Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 haha too funny, we needed this. thanks guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JagSol Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 I was talking to my best friend when suddenly, I got my Mark's mod in the mail. He asked me what it was, I replied back: "Mark's woody." Then the fight started Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ofortuna Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 I asked my boyfriend to give me something to remember him by. He passed me a half empty bottle of my favorite e-juice I have been missing for a week and a kiss on the cheek......then the fight started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JagSol Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 My best friend and I were sitting on the living room couch, discussing random things. He then sees a picture of some random guy on my netbook. He shrugs and ignores it. Then I see a picture of a random woman on his Mac. That's when the fight started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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