Jeffb Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full-length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.” Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. “How long will this take?” she asks. “They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” he replies....The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?” she asks. The husband shrugs, “Why not, it worked for your ass, didn’t it?” Tam, Uma, Mike and 5 others 8
Love2VapeDaily Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Guess who is sleeping in the couch tonight., lmao Jeffb are you going to add 1 daily? Or is it up to us to update it? Uma 1
bcartervol98 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. as he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of the bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you!" To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure, he has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too...!" joe2003 1
Aquatroy Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man just groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the old man just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?" "Fred," the old man moaned. "Where ya from, Fred?" asked the police officer. With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied, "The balcony."
Jeffb Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 My wife left a note on the fridge, " Its not working. I cant take it anymore. Im going to my Mom's place." I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold... What the hell is she talking about? Krystal68 1
Jeffb Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent. "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?" "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger." spydre 1
CascadianExotics Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Guess who is sleeping in the couch tonight., lmao Men do not mind sleeping on the couch....to us, its just like camping!!!
Love2VapeDaily Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 What do floor tiles and men have in common? Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them.
Brian Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I think I've posted this before somewhere, but it makes me laugh every time! There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house one summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. Farmer: Hey kid! Where ya goin' with that wire? Kid: This is chicken wire and I'm goin' to catch me some chickens! Farmer: You fool, can't catch chickens with chicken wire! A few hours later the kid comes back by with a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire. The next day the kid comes walking down the road carrying a big roll of tape. Farmer: Hey kid! Where ya goin' with that tape? Kid: This here's duck tape and I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks! Farmer: You can't catch ducks with duck tape! At the end of the day the kid comes back and the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid has a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape. The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick. Farmer: Hey kid! Where ya goin' with that stick? Kid: Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's p u s s y - w i l l o w. Farmer: Hang on, I'll get my hat.
aufin Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Bump ....... Alright, who dropped the ball? I like readn' them, just can't remember them.
Bebop Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 What do you call a guy who hangs out with misicians?A drummer! Ba dum dum.
spydre Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 What do you call a guy who hangs out with misicians? A drummer! Ba dum dum. Hey, hubby was a drummer! Drummers bang better!
Jeffb Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" spydre and tapout 2
Jeffb Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" tapout, ThatCarGuyDFW and Rixter 3
Bebop Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Lady 1: "What's that?" Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet." Lady 1: "Where did you get it?" Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore." The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers. Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel." spydre 1
ruthenburg Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 haha. Your jokes were so good man. Please post more of this kind, I really do like it and been laughing out loud for all this.
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